On whether he talks like that in the locker room

“I mean, the worst shit I say is to you.”

Names for a future son

“I want to name my son Glenn Danzig Snell… after Glenn Danzig.”

Trying to remember Star Wars

“Emperor…Palpovich?”

I told him cats like yoga

“Yeah, but cats also like to eat garbage.”

Not quite getting right Giordano’s, a popular Chicago pizza 

“Gordanians?”

Both of us tired of painting the living room. 

“Babe, I’ve been using the wrong paint. It’s not brown enough…to match your attitude.”

When do farts hurt?

“Farts only hurt when they pop weird.”