He blames Siri when she doesn’t understand, then tries the same thing 3 more times

“Bump my head say rock!”



“I’ve never heard of that, and I’m pretty woke.”

I think I just invented something

“Firtz ice cream. It’s when you freeze your farts. I might take you out tomorrow and get you some.”

(And later…)

“Whoops! Freeze that one. I think I need to invent a fart catcher. Do you think you can catch one?”

(And then later again, a jingle)

“Frozen Faaa-arts! Gitcha some Firtz!”


“Shorts are for swimming and bed time”

Watching Moana

“She be checkin’ Pacific Islander slash Other.”

A true fact about our indoor cat

“You know, we are holding him against his will.”

Anatomy lesson

“Arms are just little kid legs, really.”