“I’ve never heard of that, and I’m pretty woke.”


I think I just invented something

“Firtz ice cream. It’s when you freeze your farts. I might take you out tomorrow and get you some.”

(And later…)

“Whoops! Freeze that one. I think I need to invent a fart catcher. Do you think you can catch one?”

(And then later again, a jingle)

“Frozen Faaa-arts! Gitcha some Firtz!”


“Shorts are for swimming and bed time”

Watching Moana

“She be checkin’ Pacific Islander slash Other.”

A true fact about our indoor cat

“You know, we are holding him against his will.”

Anatomy lesson

“Arms are just little kid legs, really.”

Sad about turning 40

“Now I’m old and I’m just like…an old toilet.”